If the words in the title are relatable to you, this post is for you. I have suffered from all of the above. There were points in my short life thus far that I would sit in my bed and wish I wouldn’t wake up the next day. There are days when I’ve felt lower than dirt and I couldn’t even bring myself to make eye contact with another human being.

I overthink everything. The simplest of tasks can be made into a mountain of responsibility by my mind. I have ruined so many potential relationships due to my mindset and my tendency to overthink. I always went searching for a solution. Unfortunately, I convinced myself that everyone else in the world had this elusive answer that I could never find myself.

I was in a relationship not too long ago and I would often find it amazing that it was even remotely possible for another being to love me. I hated myself with a passion and I would do everything in my power to avoid confronting that fact.

Lately, there has been a change. I decided to stop throwing pity parties for myself.  Feeling sorry for oneself accomplishes nothing. The truth is you’re only hurting yourself similar to when you hold grudges. All of that negative energy builds up within your psyche and it manifests itself eventually in some form or fashion.

The gym is my savior. I post a lot about it on social media and it annoys the hell out of some people. But they have no idea what the gym has done for me. It has given me something to look forward to and something to build myself up with. I am working my ass off to get in the best shape I’ve ever been in. I’m eating better and doing a lot more cardio. I have been losing the weight I put on since I left the Army and I have felt a lot better in the last three weeks. That sense of discipline and working towards something has given me a purpose and something I look forward to every day.  The progress I’ve made speaks to the work I’ve put in.

With that being said, I still have a long road to travel before I am where I envision myself being. You need to find your outlet or your activity that brings you peace. It won’t be the same for everyone. But once you find it, hold onto it for dear life and let it guide you, slowly but surely, out of the abyss known as negativity.

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10 thoughts on “Anxiety, Depression, and Self-Loathing

  1. I can totally relate to the overthinking problem. Winnie the Pooh best describes this problem – just like him I think it over and think it under 😉 I love this quote and Pooh’s musings in general (the original not the Disney version). He is very smart for a bear with little brains.

    Liked by 1 person

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