I love Indian movies so this is not a shot at Bollywood; however, I think it is an apt description of reality. The universe doesn’t owe us jack shit. I used to be one of those people that just expected things to magically happen. I felt the universe would eventually figure it out and I would end up where I was supposed to be. However, I eventually realized that kind of hardcore idealism is a slippery slope. You may be standing next to the girl of your dreams but she won’t just fall into your lap, so to speak. It is up to you to go talk to her or it is up to you to bust your ass in the gym and eat better to attain the body you desire. Nothing worth having in this life will come easy; granted, that sounds cliche as hell but it is true. I’ve found the simplest advice is often the best advice. As humans, we sometimes try to dress things up and our mind makes things much more complicated than they have to be. Overthinking is part of my natural self but it is something I’ve been working on. Sometimes, you need to step back and not take yourself so seriously. You’re allowed to take a breath and just disconnect for a bit. Gym posts annoy people on social media but they don’t bother me. If people had any idea how much I used to hate myself, they would begin to understand this new school of thought has been a renaissance of sorts for me. I was extremely negative and I would hate on people who were putting in the work to get better. Instead of joining them, I would make every excuse in the book and rationalize their progress with unsubstantiated thoughts such as they must be taking steroids or it must be nice to come from a rich family.
I had a tendency to disparage others not because I hated them but I hated the man I saw in the mirror looking back at me. When I got drunk, I enjoyed it but those demons would come out more often than not. So many nights in college, I would get black out drunk and cry in my room. I had a few meltdowns in front of good friends; luckily for me, they truly cared and helped me get past it. I’m not the most religious person but I used to pray at night that I wouldn’t wake up the next day. I truly felt, at the time, that my friends and family would be much better without me. I felt like I was a nuisance and life would improve drastically for them if I was out of the picture.
I had friends that would always tell me to change my mindset. I would become so angry at that sentiment because I always felt it was so easy to say that but so difficult to carry out. However, as these last few months have proven, mindset plays a huge role in your behavior. For instance, I wanted to start working out at 530 am. Being in the Army prepared me for the prospect of waking up early but I’m a civilian now so I could choose to sleep in. However, I implemented it and over time, it has become the natural state of affairs. My old way of thinking would’ve prevented me from waking up each morning and I have no doubt about that. I am thankful my family and friends truly care and push me to be the best version of myself. As the Rock would say, “there’s still a lot of work to be done.”
Ramblings of a Twenty-something 